Sometimes, I hate him so much.
I'm trying to learn how to separate things. Guys are better at this; everything is in it's own little box and they deal with one thing at a time. Girls, not so much. Everything effects everything else.
When I come home and find my husband laying on the couch under a blanket where he's been all morning and then he goes upstairs back to bed because apparently it's not as relaxing when I'm here making all that noise that goes along with living...i just want to explode.
But I need to learn -- God, please help me learn -- that my life, my success, my joy is not about him.
I want to yell and scream and tell him to explain to me how he justifies lying on the couch 12 hours a day? What is he thinking? What makes him think this is okay??
But...it's not about him.
God says, be kind to one another.
God says, honor and respect your husband.
God says, consider others more important that yourself.
I can do none of these things out of love for my husband. None.
I can do these things out of love for God. He tells me to do them and I choose to obey him.
I choose to obey him this moment. I will likely have to choose to obey again in a couple of hours when I have to pick my son up from school but I didn't get everything done that I wanted to. Then again when it's supper time and I've cooked supper for him (I'd rather just eat popcorn) and he doesn't come to eat it. Then again when the kids are in bed and he's watching TV while I finish cleaning up and doing another load of laundry and all the other stuff I do at night.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.
Forgive. Obey. Forgive. Obey. Forgive. Obey.
Not because my husband is worthy of it, but because God is.
He is faithful and his promises are true and HE is all I need.
He is my comfort. He is my best friend. I am HIS bride.